


You Said You Loved Me (But Then You Hit Me)

by QueenOfNewOrleans22



Series: You Know I'm A Dreamer [1]
Category: Mötley Crüe
Genre: Angst, Blood and Violence, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27436954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22
Summary: Nikki wants to leave - however, Blackie won't let him go.
Relationships: Blackie Lawless/Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee (Mötley Crüe)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: You Know I'm A Dreamer [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2004484
Comments: 8
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE NOTE - This fic does not accurately portray anybody involved. It is merely a work of fiction and will forever be a work of fiction. It is not intended to offend those affiliated, including Tommy Lee, Nikki Sixx and Blackie Lawless.

Nikki didn't want to think about how dumb he was for staying. He didn't want to think about how weak he was for not saying anything. 

But in the darkness of early December, and with the crickets singing a late night symphony, there was nothing to do except wallow in terrible thoughts that never would go away. 

He was outside on the balcony, wearing nothing but a pair of thin pajama pants, smoking a cigarette and trying to calm his nerves. 

Except, it wasn't working, and Nikki could feel the familiar feel of hands clawing up his throat, and a rock pressing against his ribcage, and nothing was going to make sense in a few minutes, anyways, so why not just allow himself to succumb to the alternative instead of coming with a scream on his tongue and hands desperate for safety? 

Nikki blew out a long cloud of smoke, and tilted his head toward the wide expanse of darkness that lay above him, with white stars offsetting it, and providing a warm glow. The moon was a large, round eye in the middle of the sky, watching over all of the tiny beings that lived in the closest place that could be considered 'hell' without being considered dramatic. 

The city was, as always, loud, and the sounds could be heard from even miles away. Flashlight lights danced in the distance, and honking horns echoed in the relative silence that's would've prevailed otherwise. In a way, it was comforting to be assured that Nikki wasn't quite alone, but it made the hairs at the back of his neck stand up as a scream broke through the night. 

It wasn't exactly uncommon to hear such a thing, but that didn't make it any easier. Somebody, somewhere, would've heard it and called the police, but they didn't give a damn, did they? Nobody did. 

Nikki shivered slightly, and goosebumps trailed down his pale arms, spotted with marks that were just barely beginning to fade into scars. He let out a shuddering breathe, and shut his eyes tightly, as if to hide against the whirlwind chaos of the world that'd he'd been thrust into. 

Across the street, a light was on in one of the apartments, and in the golden glow that shined through, two shadows could be seen. One of them was a man, one of them was a women, and they were pressed close, lips eager and hands wanting. 

It was the picture of the sort of love that not a lot of people got to see - desperate, wanting. 

Glancing back through the open doors that led into the apartment, Nikki could see a familiar figure in the bed, hidden under the blanket. Blackie probably hadn't even realized that the other side was cold, and didn't hold a home for the man that should've been there. _Good._ The last thing that Nikki wanted was to be interrupted in his musings. 

A few weeks ago, they'd gotten into a harsh argument. It hadn't been anything particularly dramatic, but it was also the first time that they'd slept in different places following a fight. They didn't have a couch, so Nikki slept on the floor, curled into a cocoon of blankets that did little to ward off the approaching chill in his heart. 

The situation had not only wrecked Nikki's back, but it had also made him open his eyes up to what was really going on behind the scenes. Maybe, just maybe, in the barest of all possibilities, Nikki had jumped into love. He had been so desperate for some sort of love and affection, that the first person who had given him a touch that didn't hurt, would later become his lover, or whatever the fuck they were. 

Would it really be that surprising? Nikki wasn't sure if he was finally going crazy, or finally coming sane. He thought back to how pleased Blackie had seemed with himself, how he had smiled while making coffee, and when Nikki had sat down heavily at their tiny, rickety dining table, Blackie had turned around. " _Are you ready to apologize?"_ He had asked. 

Nikki's free hand curled into a fist, and he grit his teeth hard enough to make his jaw ache in complaint. The more he thought about it, the angrier he grew. That bastard had been happy to see how exhausted Nikki had been, and it wasn't like it was a one-off occurrence, either. 

"Fucking prick." Nikki muttered, sniffing and glancing behind his shoulder yet again, but Blackie was dead to the world. 

Looking back towards the city, and the lights, the sounds, Nikki knew what he had to do. He hadn't been given a choice when it came to his mother, but this? 

Nikki could do what he couldn't have done, and remove himself from the situation. ' _I'm not becoming a statistic.'_ He thought, suddenly determined in a way that he hadn't been before. 

With that in mind, Nikki turned and made his way back into the tiny apartment. He didn't have a lot in way of belongings, for which Nikki was glad, because it would only take him a few minutes to pack. 

Nikki clenched the cigarette between his teeth, retrieved the suitcase from the depths of the dark closet, and with experienced silence, began to pack. Nikki grabbed his clothing from the dresser and stuffed them all in, uncaring as he tossed his spare pair of shoes and his one real sentimental item - a picture - on top of it all. 

They'd bought the apartment together, but Nikki didn't give a damn to the technicalities. In what seemed like just a few hours, his love had turned to hate, and want turned to desperation. Nikki put a shirt on and pulled on a jacket, trying to ignore the sudden nausea that was creeping through his body, making it scream with the beginnings of anxiety. But as he grabbed the camera and stuffed it on top of the clothes, shutting it and zipping it up, Nikki tried to reassure himself. 

It was just the lingering fear, Nikki tried to think. Blackie wasn't _that_ much a psycho, except Nikki could remember their old days, back when they were younger, and spent hours at a bar, getting high and drunk. Blackie had a temper with people, and Nikki had seen it multiple times, whenever they got into fights with strangers. 

' _Calm down.'_ Nikki thought, heart hammering in his chest as the speed of light. 

And then Nikki glanced at the bed, and realized that it was empty. He'd been so caught up in trying to calm his raving thoughts that he hadn't paid attention enough. Rookie mistake, Nikki knew. ' _Fucking idiot.'_

Blackie had somehow managed to get into the kitchen without being noticed, a slick smirk on his handsome face, hair messy, but a mean glint in his dark eyes. 

"What'cha doin' there?" Blackie asked, his voice purposefully slow. His eyes flicked down at the suitcase, and his eyebrows raised, as if in abject shock over the sight. "You're leaving?" 

Nikki felt himself freeze in terror,his breathe catching in his throat. He was suddenly reminded of his mother (" _where are you going, Frankie?'')_ and he felt compelled go just turn 'round and run straight out the door. Nikki couldn't do this again, he couldn't. 

But then he had to stop, and wonder if he was really that weak. 

"Yes." Nikki said, his voice coming out as a hoarse rasp. 

Blackie tilted his head. "Why?" He asked in a tone that suggested he knew exactly why Nikki was standing there with his packed suitcase, feeling like a snared rabbit in the woods, cornered by the hunter who was intent on killing him. 

"I don't wanna be in this relationship anymore." Nikki said, straightening out his back to appear somewhat normal. "This isn't working anymore, man. I'm leaving." 

"Oh." Blackie breathed in through his nose and then looked up at the ceiling, looking rather contemplative of the response. He tapped his fingers on the countertop, and smiled. 

Nikki knew that look. 

The whole atmosphere in the apartment seemed to change, and it became so incredibly tense that it became hard to breathe. Somehow, it began to feel like an oppressing blanket was laid over them, and choking them, forbidding them to move on without having to push through forcefully. 

Blackie cleared his throat. "Yeah. You're not gonna do that." He said, sounding so certain of those six words, so innocuous, so terrifying. 

"Don't tell me what I can and cannot do." Nikki replied, his lips twisting in a snarl.

A startled laugh slipped out of Blackie's mouth, but it was harsh and as sharp as a new knife. He shook his head, chuckled softly, and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

Nikki didn't like how close Blackie was to the knives. 

It was almost as if they were two cowboys, standing on opposite sides of the street, guns raised and ready for a showdown. The silent threats remained on their eyes, and the emotions - fright and anger - became so palpable that they were almost audible. 

"So you're just gonna leave?" Blackie jabbed his thumb toward the front door. "I can't believe, that after everything we've been through..." He trailed off, clicking his tongue. 

"Yes." Nikki inched away. "I'm sorry." He glanced at the door, but in that single moment of taking his eyes away from Blackie, in that split second of his guard going down, Blackie took it to his advantage.

For somebody so large, Blackie moved like a goddamn cat, and in what seemed like the blink of an eye, he was in front of Nikki. 

Nikki flinched backwards, but Blackie had reached out, and his fingers were curled into Nikki's arm in a remarkably tight grip, securing him in place as easily as anything. "Let go of me." Nikki hissed, his anger like a sharp spark in his chest. 

Blackie was leering. "You don't have a choice in that." He replied. "You're not going anywhere. You're not leaving this apartment - you're not leaving _me."_ He looked close to tears, but Nikki wasn't fooled into thinking that it was because he was leaving. Blackie didn't want to be alone for all of wrong reasons, and that was becoming increasingly evident. 

"I can do what I want." Nikki wrenched his arm free, intent on grabbing his suitcase and getting the hell out of dodge. A small part of him wanted to know what Blackie was about to say next in response, but Nikki wanted to leave, and didn't care if he got killed on those streets - as long as he got away from this abject hell. 

With a scowl, Blackie shook his head vehemently. "No, you can't. We have a partnership going on here, Nikki." He blinked, and, for a moment, looked deeply betrayed. "Are you cheating on me?" He asked quietly. 

Without even waiting on a response, having apparently made up his own mind a long time ago, Blackie tossed his hands up in the air. "You're fucking _cheating_ on me." He said through gritted teeth, eyes darkening, as if a cloud had come over them. 

Nikki almost laughed. God, he almost _howled_ in incredulity. "You must be a special kind of stupid to think that." He said, feeling his temper begin to fray at the edges in warning of the fight. There was only so much he could take before he was shoved over the edge, after all. 

But Nikki's mind wasn't working fast enough to process the hand that quickly raised up in response, and a split second later, a searing pain registered. Nikki gasped, stumbling with the force of the slap. A part of him couldn't believe that he'd just been _slapped,_ of all things, but the bigger part of him couldn't believe anything that was happening. 

"You fuck." Nikki shoved Blackie back, but Blackie was much bigger, and seemingly abominable in the darkness of the world, so he barely stumbled at the action. Nonetheless, Blackie grunted and caught himself on the wall, his hand sliding and hitting a picture that was hung up on there. 

Fear spiked in Nikki's heart, but he wasted no time in hurriedly walking away, and he went to grab his suitcase again. He didn't want to get into a fight, and least of all, Nikki didn't want to be persuaded into staying. 

Then again, after having been slapped, Nikki wouldn't have stayed if Blackie had gotten onto his hands and knees and fucking _begged._ Years ago, Nikki had promised himself to not stay if somebody got physical with him, and this was a test from whoever did such things to him. 

Nikki didn't want to fail this test. 

Suddenly, Blackie's body collided with Nikki's own, and they tumbled to the ground, limbs tangled and hearts pounding. Nikki gasped as Blackie's weight pressed down on him, and pressed at the other man's shoulders, tempted to punch him, just to get him off. Nikki didn't want to go to jail, but he wasn't about to just sit there and let Blackie terrorize him. 

"You're not leaving me!" Blackie yelled, his vocal chords straining with the effort of the yell. "Ever. You understand me, Frank?" 

Nikki flinched at the name. "Get off of me, you motherfucker!" He tried desperately to move his legs, but Blackie's weight was like a solid brick atop of his body. "Get off!" He managed to get a punch to Blackie's eye, which shocked him enough to make the weight lessen, if only a little bit. 

Blackie made a grunting noise from deep in his throat, falling halfway to the side, hands rising to clutch at his face. 

Desperate, Nikki tried to pull himself backwards so that he could stand up and get away. His mind wasn't working properly, and it was only providing the most barest of thoughts - ( _'you have to away to get away for fucks sake **FRANK GET AWAY.')**_ \- and Nikki knows that these thoughts are the only thing keeping him from freezing up completely. 

His heart pounding at the speed of a jackhammer, Nikki managed to get himself into a crouching position. With Blackie still caught in the pain of the punch, it was easy to grab his suitcase and run towards the door. Nikki dropped the suitcase in order to unlock the door - his hands were shaking badly. 

But then there was hands on his face, fingers entangled in his hair. "You're not leaving." Blackie whispered hoarsely, pulling Nikki by the hair. Nikki tried his best to fight, but there wasn't much he could do in the position that he was in. 

Blackie shoved Nikki back onto the bed. 

"You bastard." Blackie scowled, blinking repeatedly. His eye was already beginning to show signs of discoloration, and a twisted part of Nikki was pleased at that. "Why the fuck'd you do that?" He rubbed his eye like an upset child. 

Nikki stood up. "I _will_ do it again." He went to walk back towards the door, but, just like clockwork, Blackie jumped in front of his pathway. "Move." Nikki demanded. 

"Why?" Blackie sounded hysterical. "So you can leave?" He grabbed Nikki by his arms, and when the younger man tried to pull himself backwards and far, far away from danger, Blackie slammed him up against the wall. "You're not leaving me!" Blackie was edging towards a breakdown. 

"That's not your choice!" Nikki was wrenched forcefully towards Blackie and then back against the wall, and then foward and back again. 

Nikki's head caught the hard edge of the picture frame, and his head began to ache, making his vision grow hazy. "Ow!" Nikki gasped, but that was all forgotten when Blackie shook him and his stomach churned in warning. 

"You're not leaving! You can't!" Blackie shoved Nikki against the wall again. 

"That's - not - your - fucking - choice! Stop it!" Nikki felt like he was about to pass out or get sick all over Blackie. Whichever one that would come first seemed good enough. 

Blackie pushed Nikki further into the wall, his fingers digging into sensitive flesh, undoubtedly leaving bruises. "You can't." He said, but something was off about his voice, as if all of the fight had suddenly seeped from him like an hourglass that'd been turned upside down. 

Nikki pushed the other man away to the best of his ability. "Let me go!" He persisted. 

"Stop talking!" Blackie shouted, reeling back, and punching Nikki in the jaw. 

Once again, Nikki was caught off guard by the act of violence that was far too familiar for him. He stumbled, and would've fallen in not for the fact that Blackie was still holding on tight to his arms, as if not quite able to let him go in more ways than just one. 

Nikki felt like his jaw had broken at that single punch, and in those several seconds that it took for Blackie to pause, hiss, and press his knuckles against his mouth, an idea appeared in the wasteland of Nikki's mind. 

There didn't appear to be many options, really, when it came down to it. 

Blackie was strong, and Nikki knew that he didn't have a chance physically. But mentally? Maybe he had a chance there. 

"You can't leave me alone here. Not after everything we've been through. You can't leave me, you selfish piece of shit!" Blackie punched Nikki again. 

And again. 

And again. 

And again. 

Nikki gagged on the blood, his heart racing so fast that it hurt, hurt, _hurt._ A thought, distant and vague, wondered if maybe the neighbors could hear the commotion, but didn't care. That'd be the story of his life, huh? Everybody saw and heard, but nobody gave a single fucking damn. 

Blackie let him fall to the floor like a limp ragdoll. "You can't." He repeated, like a broken record. 

"Shut - up already." Nikki muttered, barely able to speak because of how much blood was pouring from his nose and out of his mouth from Nikki biting his tongue during a punch. His nose was probably going to be broken - big fuckin' deal. 

Blackie blinked, his heavy scowl still marrying those features that Nikki had _loved_ so much. And then he kicked Nikki in the stomach, knocking the breathe out of the younger man and temporarily paralyzing him to the ground. 

Gasping for breathe while coughing, Nikki stared through his hair as Blackie stood there, immobile, like a statue. It freaked him out in more ways than one, but, just for a moment, he was glad for the beating to stop. Everything hurt, and Nikki was concerned about how muddled his thoughts were - as if he couldn't quite grasp the ones that he wanted. Nikki curled into himself, wrapping one of his arms around his stomach and frantically trying to push air into his lungs, but it didn't seem it be working. 

But, somehow, Nikki managed to pull himself together enough to calm Blackie down, if only temporarily, before he was either knocked unconscious or killed. 

"I'm sorry." Nikki whispered. "I'm sorry. I won't leave. You're right -" He paused to breathe. "I was being selfish. I won't leave." He began to feel desperate, and as he rested his forehead against the cold wood flooring, he knew it was because, no matter how much he said otherwise - Nikki was terrified to die. 

And, in a way, Nikki knew that's what would happen if he didn't submit, no matter how much it made him grit his teeth and cringe at how weak it was, to apologize. 

A stretch of silence followed the apology, coloured by the sound of Nikki's raspy breathing and, in the distance, sirens. But they were headed for the opposite way, maybe to investigate that damned scream. 

" _Reeaa-lly?"_ Blackie said, as if he hardly dared to believe it. 

Nikki felt like screaming, but all he could do was give the smallest nod imaginable. 

With a weary sigh, Blackie crouched down, and Nikki couldn't help the flinch. 

"Oh, don't be like that." Blackie said, grasping Nikki by the back of his head and kissing the top of it, like this was just a normal night, his touch shockingly tender but Nikki's body was still hurting with the reciprocations of his wants.

"I'm so sorry, you know that. But, just remember, that you brought this upon yourself." Blackie said, rubbing his thumb over the part where Nikki's head dipped into his neck. "I'm glad that you came to your senses." 

Blackie gently grabbed Nikki by the chin and tilted his head up, and not even a possible concussion could hide the wince that Blackie gave upon seeing the younger man's face. "Jeez." Blackie muttered. "I'm gonna go get something, 'kay? Stay right here." He stood up, moving away and disappearing into the pale light that was beginning to seep in through the windows. 

When it became clear that Blackie had gone into the kitchen, out of sight but not quite out of mind, Nikki forced himself up. He couldn't quite find air to shove into his lungs, and he felt like he was about to pass out, but by whatever force was the one to orchestrate these sort of events, there would be no submitting. Nikki was going to fight, he just needed the right way to do it. 

Grabbing the table, Nikki managed to get onto his knees, and managed to find the pair of scissors that he'd been using the previous day to open a package. His slender, shaking fingers enclosed over the blades, and Nikki grasped them and pulled them foward so that he could grab them properly.

Carefully, Nikki lowered himself back into a sitting position, and tucked the scissors behind him, clothed in the shadows, just as Blackie reappeared with a wet cloth. 

"There we go." Blackie muttered, ignoring another one of Nikki's involuntary flinches as he grabbed the other man by the face and began to clean the blood. 

A moment passed by - maybe two. The atmosphere was tense and awkward and the only sounds were that of their combined breathing. Blackie seemed oblivious to the plan formulating in Nikki's mind, and only was focusing on the blood. Nikki felt his heart lurch unpleasantly when he moved his hand and accidentally knocked the scissors, but Blackie was either going deaf or just hadn't noticed it. 

Either way, Nikki knew that he needed to take his chances. 

Quickly, and not giving Blackie a single chance to notice what was going on behind the scenes, Nikki grabbed the scissors and plunged the blades into the closest thing he could easily reach - Blackie's shoulder. It felt strangely like a movie scene, like it wasn't actually happening in real life. Nikki could taste the blood from underneath his tongue as Blackie screamed and fell backwards, his hands abandoning the previous task and finding a new one as they fluttered around the scissors like panicked butterflies. 

"Fuck, fuck!" Blackie yelled, his voice becoming unpleasantly loud. He fell onto his back, blood beginning to pool from the wound. "You son of a bitch!" He moaned, briefly touching the scissors, but the momentary touch was enough to make him scream in pain, tossing his head back. 

Nikki stumbled to his feet, barely managing to grab the one thing he had yet to pack - his cell phone, before making his way toward the door. His vision was blurry, and he had to shut his eyes quickly and tightly before resuming his lurching walk. 

"Come back here, Nikki! Now!" Blackie yelled, but Nikki had already unlocked the door and stumbled outside, the cold air biting at his skin and making him cough. 

Just as Nikki shut the door, one last yell could be heard, and it seemed to ring throughout his entire body and make itself known in his bones. "I'll fucking kill you, Nikki!" 

However, despite the chaos, despite the pain, despite the fear and anger, one thought made itself clear - 

' _You're free.'_


	2. Chapter 2

"Mhmmm - Hello?" Tommy said sleepily. 

Nikki looked up at the pale sky, at the sun that was just beginning to make its appearance. "Tom, can you come pick me up?" He asked quietly, resisting the urge to wipe the blood from his nose. Somehow, Nikki had managed to stumble into an alleyway, and now he was sitting on the ground, resting against the worn, hard bricks of an apartment building, dazed and scared and angry. 

From the other side of the phone, the sound of somebody - a woman- talking became clear, and then Tommy shushed them. "Nikki. What's wrong?" He asked, immediately concerned and frighteningly alert. "You sound weird." Tommy added, almost as an afterthought. 

A sort of demented amusement snaked through Nikki's mind. "Please come pick me up." He said. 

Tommy was on edge, Nikki could tell, because he _never_ said 'please' unless things were really bad. In fact, the last time such a thing had been said was years ago, after an argument. "Okay." Tommy said, suddenly sounding stoic, as if a switch within him had been turned off. "Okay. Where are you? I'm coming." Tommy was getting dressed, and the sound of his belt buckle clinking around was loud in the distance. 

"Um - " Nikki swallowed thickly and looked around. "I'm by that strip club on fourth street." He ran his hand tiredly through his hair. 

"Oh, I know where that is." Tommy had his keys, now, and was getting in his car. 

It was funny, really, how attuned somebody's senses could be when fright made everything become too clear. Nikki could hear the keys jangling, and the car rumble, and he felt a sick combination of anger and anxiety. A small part was him was afraid that Blackie would come rounding the corner any second now, but as the remembrance of the scissors replayed in Nikki's mind like a movie on repeat, it became clear that Blackie was afraid of going to prison, and probably would lay low for awhile. 

Anyways, Nikki had gotten a mile away. It had been a walk that he barely remembered, but it had happened, and Blackie probably wouldn't think to look there. 

Nikki hoped so, anyway. 

"Are you okay? Please tell me you're okay." Tommy said, a thin tremor becoming known in his low voice. "But if you're not okay, then you gotta tell me." 

"I'm fine." Nikki replied, even though he wasn't completely sure of that. His head ached, and his stomach hurt. His jaw felt - odd, really. But a quick check had assured Nikki that all of his teeth were in there. His nose was probably broken. 

Tommy must've been speeding in a hurry to get there, because what should've been a twenty minute drive only took ten minutes. Nikki was glad, anyways, to see that familiar car pull up, to know that, if only for a few minutes, he was safe. 

The driver's side door opened and Tommy, dressed in nothing but a pair of worn jeans, stepped out, and he examined the streets with narrowed eyes. 

Nikki stood up, and wrapped his arms around his chest. Despite his jacket, he could feel the bitter creepings of cold wrap around his body and squeeze. He probably looked like a corpse, so it was no surprise when Tommy jumped in surprise, his eyes widening when he caught sight of Nikki emerging from the alleyway like some sort of murderer from the Victorian era. 

"Oh, shit." Tommy jogged across the street, barely paying attention to whatever cars that may have been driving. Thankfully, there were none coming, and Tommy managed to get to the other side of the street alive, and with the distinct aura of panic cloaking his expressive features. "Holy - what the fuck happened?" Tommy went to touch Nikki, but he flinched, and Tommy stepped back.

Nikki just shook his head, unable to say much. He reached out like a desperate child, and this time, managed to grab onto Tommy's shoulder, as if silently asking for help, or some sort of comfort that couldn't be asked for by words. At least, not by Nikki. 

A silent sort of communication seemed to pass between them. Tommy had his eyebrows furrowed in concern, but, in a way, he seemed to understand. "Let's go, okay? Let's go back to my place." He gently grabbed Nikki by his arms and, when the touch wasn't rebuffed, started to lead Nikki back to his old jeep. 

Nikki sat down on the passenger's seat, and Tommy shut the door, running back to the driver's side and ducking inside. Tommy restarted the car, which sputtered and coughed before coming back to life, and they sat there for a minute, listening to the idling engine. Nikki could practically hear the wheels turning in Tommy's head, but hoped that the questions could wait. 

Maybe Tommy had seen the look on Nikki's face, because there was only a tense silence as they made their way back to Tommy's apartment. The realization of the situation was slowly creeping through Nikki's veins, reminding him that, depending on what came from Blackie's mouth next - he might be a convict. 

But it had been in self-defense, Nikki reminded himself. 

Tommy lived in a derelict little place behind a dried-up river, isolated from the smoke shops and liquor stores that surrounded it. It was small and dark and depressing. To anybody else, it might've looked abandoned, if not for the cars that were spread out around it. 

"Okay." Tommy liked to repeat words whenever he was stressed, and 'okay' seemed to be his newest one. "I'm gonna - we're gonna to inside. Emma is in there, just so you know, okay?" He took the keys out of the ignition, and then looked toward Nikki with a deeply concerned glint in his dark eyes. 

"Blackie?" Tommy asked, and Nikki nodded. 

A shocked, but not entirely surprised, silence followed that. Nikki needed help to climb the stairs, a fact that he was ashamed about, but he wasn't entirely in a good enough state of mind to dwell on how pathetic it was. 

For now, Nikki allowed himself to be helped, and leaned against the wall as, with frustrated mutters filling the silent air, Tommy dug around in his pocket and pulled out a bunch of keys. The gold and silver glinted in the shining sun, and seemed to offset the darkness of the previous events, if at least somewhat. 

Tommy opened the door, and after a brief glance, Nikki stepped inside, looking down at the stained carpet. The apartment smelt of smoke and pot, and clothes were strewn all over the floor. This wasn't exactly surprising - in fact, Nikki had been expecting it. 

"Em. Babe, are you still here?" Tommy locked the door behind him, dropped the keys on the table, and looked around the apartment. 

From somewhere within another room, the sound of something heavy dropping could be heard. A moment later, Emma appeared, dressed in nothing but a thin silk robe. "Hey, what - oh, holy fuck." She stared at Nikki, wide-eyed at the sight that beheld to her. 

"Yeah, yeah. Do we have a first aid kit somewhere around here?" Tommy could be a leader when he wanted to. 

Emma nodded. "Yeah." She disappeared back into the room she'd come from. 

His knees felt weak and his legs felt unsteady, so Nikki sat down at the dining table, knowing how terrible he must've looked, knowing that there were several questions that had yet to be answered. But Nikki was just glad to be somewhere else, if only temporarily. 

Tommy walked over and crouched in front of Nikki. "What'd Blackie do this for, huh?" He asked quietly, his eyes full of questions that might not have answers to go with them. 

Emma reappeared with a half-full first aid kit in her hands, and she handed it to her boyfriend. Tommy thanked her with a smile, and then he looked down at the bright red box. "We don't have a lot here." He said, more than likely to himself. 

"Yeah." Emma placed her hand on Tommy's back. Her eyes, which were a keen, sharp blue, looked up, and she looked deep into Nikki's own. "What happened?" 

Nikki let out a deep, shuddering breathe. "Blackie." He whispered. 

For a moment, Emma's face contorted in shock, and then she scowled. For such a beautiful woman, she looked straight like something from a horror movie when she got mad. Emma straightened herself up and cleared her throat, tilting her chin up in a distinct show of anger. "Right." She said. "Do you mind if I ask why?" 

Tommy looked dubiously down at the medical supplies. "I don't know what I'm doing." He said. 

Raising his shoulders in a weak shrug, Nikki didn't trust himself to respond. He licked his lips, and only then became aware of a deep cut on his bottom lip. "Ow, fuck." He mumbled softly. 

Truth be told, Nikki didn't really want to tell them why, because if he did, then whatever was holding him up would crack, and he would either fall apart or have some sort of crisis. Nikki liked to consider himself a strong person, but at that moment, he felt like crying. 

Tommy tore open a small package of wet wipes, and he looked up at Nikki, eyes searching and wondering. "I gotta clean the blood off." Tommy said, every word purposeful. 

Nikki nodded.

Meanwhile, Emma looked like she was physically holding herself from tossing something at a wall. One of her hands - the one that wasn't resting on Tommy's shoulder - was clenched into a tight fist. "And where's Blackie?" She asked in a falsely calm voice. 

Another shrug was the only answer that Nikki could give. 

Tommy began to wipe the blood away, and his touch was achingly gentle, a brief grazing that Nikki had yearned for, but would never dare ask in want. The blood was dried, but it didn't seem to take much time, anyways, to wipe it all off. 

The time was spent in silence, a tense sort of one with so many things that needed to be said, but no way to say such things. Emma walked away for a moment, and her hands were clasped underneath her chin, her eyes glistening but lips pressed tightly together into a thin line.

"Are you okay, Em?" Tommy asked as he tossed one of the wipes behind him, narrowly missing the actual trash can. He looked at her, and Nikki's heart started to hurt. 

' _I shouldn't have come here.'_ Nikki thought, suddenly feeling himself begin to panic in a way that made his heart race and thoughts grow muddled again. He went to move, to stand up, to do anything - but Tommy grasped his hands and squeezed them, keeping him in place. 

Emma swallowed. "Yes. I'm sorry." She walked back toward them. "I'm going to go put on something a little more appropriate, okay?" She leaned down and pressed a feather-light kiss against the top of Nikki's head, smiling at Tommy before she walked into an adjacent room. 

"Okay." Tommy yelled out. He looked at Nikki's face with a speculative little frown that looked odd on his normally happy features. "Don't worry. She just has a rough time dealing with this sort of stuff." The implications of his words felt like a million needles jabbing into Nikki's heart. 

"I shouldn't have come here." Nikki repeated, maybe to himself, maybe to Tommy, but either way, he went to stand up, and his legs gave out on him. Tommy barely managed to prevent him from falling, and when his hands clawed at Nikki's chest and secured him in place, Nikki began to try and shove him away. 

Obviously, it didn't work, but the desperation was palpable. 

"Let me go, let me go!" Nikki yelled, trying to work his way out of Tommy's grip. It hurt his mouth to yell, but in that moment, nothing registered through the terrified haze in Nikki's mind. 

Tommy pulled him close. "Shut up, Nik, okay? Just shut up for me." He managed to wrap his arms around his friend and pull him closer, trying to be careful about anything hiding below Nikki's clothing, but also trying to get him to stop fighting and, most of all, not leave the apartment. 

Nikki was trying his best, which, considering his current state, wasn't enough to actually do anything. "I can't stay here, Tom - let the fuck go of me!" He shoved hard at Tommy's chest and, startled, Tommy dropped him. 

It was almost comical. 

Except Tommy looked torn between incredulity, anger, and fear, and Emma was standing in the doorway, her hands pressed up against her mouth. 

Nikki fell backwards, startled at his own actions. His head was aching terribly and he just wanted to die - _why did life hate him enough to keep him alive?_ And he buried his face in his hands and pressed them again his knees, sobbing because he'd just been beaten up by his own lover but, somehow, seeing the looks on his friends' faces was the worst thing that'd happened to him in what felt like forever. 

_'I'm so fucking pathetic! Bipolar asshole.'_ Nikki thought, hands moving to grip his hair at the roots. 

One moment, he was emotionless, and the next? Crying. It felt like something that should've been happening to anybody _except_ for Nikki, except it wasn't, not by a long shot. 

Tommy shared a desperate look with Emma, his face marred in confusion. "No, c'mon, don't be like that." He crouched down and, after a moment, grabbed Nikki by his upper arm and pulled him close again. "Just calm down, okay? You're gonna get yourself all worked up and - " 

"I'm _scared!"_ Nikki knew he was acting like a child. Did he care? Not enough to make himself stop. "He's going to come and kill me and he knows where you live and that I would come here so he's gonna kill you and Emma and it'll be all my fucking fault so I should've just let him finish the _goddamn job!"_ Nikki sobbed against Tommy's shoulder, hating himself but too wound up to give a damn about anything except that fear. 

Emma mimed dialing 911 and looked at Tommy questioningly. 

Tommy nodded, running his hand through Nikki's hair and noticing how a majority of the strands were crusty with blood. "No, he won't. You'll be okay - we all will. Blackie ain't that brave, ain't that smart, and ain't that serious about it. We'll all be okay, so don't worry." He pressed his hand gently against Nikki's head, and pretended that he wasn't searching for anything when, in reality, he was searching for anything of concern. 

After a moment of searching, Tommy located a laceration on his friend's head, and frowned at how deep it was. "I'll protect you, and I'll protect Emma. And if anything does happen, it'll only be Blackie's fault, okay? Not you, Nikki." He looked at his girlfriend, and he saw her give a miniscule nod. 

Tommy knew what would happen - the police would come, and they would have to take Nikki to the hospital. They would do whatever they did, and Tommy would stay with him up until they did the scan for the concussion, because, surely, something was going on in that hard-headed mind that Tommy had known so well for so long. When they did that, and while the police would be undoubtedly searching for Blackie, Tommy would tell Emma to stay at the hospital, where they would both be safe, and he would go and leave, and Tommy was going to gather all of his money, and buy a fucking gun. 


End file.
